Milestone

A wonderful present was given to me on Halloween. That day, I had to perform "Laurie's Aria" (from Copland's The Tender Land) in Opera Workshop. When I got to class, for the first time ever, I couldn't wait to perform. There was no nervousness, no anxiety, just an excitement to get up there and do it.

This is really big for me.

Every time I've sung before, I've had this mixture of a love of doing it that was completely overshadowed by stage fright. It didn't matter whether I was singing for 2 people or 20 or 200, whether I was among friends or strangers, or whether I was in a big hall or a small classroom; I still quaked.

But then Halloween came. And everything changed.

I sat there in that class and was the first to volunteer to sing. I was so excited to be able to take what I've been doing in the practice room out for a spin. Granted, the situation was helped by really lovely circumstances: I had a fantastic accompanist, the class is about drama instead of technique (usually I'm nervous because I self-critique my technique), the room acoustics are perfect, and my classmates are friendly and celebrate when folks sound great and understand when things don't go well. But still.

What's really neat is that my chutzpah has lasted. The following Monday, I went to an Alexander Technique class where I knew nobody, and I volunteered immediately and without a drop of hesitation to be a guinea pig. I sang "Laurie's Aria" again, this time unaccompanied, and let myself be fiddled with. In studio class this past week, I was a little butterflyish, but the nerves left and only excitement remained when I stood to sing.

If this present sticks around, if I can continue to be joyful when I get to perform, if I can keep recognizing that no performance is ever perfect and that's okay, realizing at the same time that it's perfectly valid to perform while you're still journeying and learning and improving, that's a pretty fantastic milestone.

What a wonderful gift.

~Hope